PRINCIPLES:

1. SENSATE FOCUS: Focusing (concentrating) on sensations in the present moment, to the exclusion of any other thoughts, such as those about business, children, and car trouble.

2. NON-DEMAND INTERACTION: Placing no demands or expectations on yourself or others to "perform" in any particular way.

3. HERE AND NOW THEORY: Living in the present moment. Anxiety often comes from worry about what may happen in the future. Often, depression is the result of dwelling on the past. Remember: Peace of mind and maximum functioning occur when you are neither anxious nor depressed.

In summary, it is IDEAL to stay focused in the moment, with no agenda but to experience the "here and now," putting no demands on yourself or your partner.

HELPFUL HINTS:

1. A USEFUL TECHNIQUE: When your mind wanders to irrelevant thoughts, bring it back to right here and right now.

2. RESPONSIBILITY: From the very beginning, each person in the relationship is fully responsible for his or her own comfort. You must tell your partner if you are physically or emotionally uncomfortable during the exercise. NO ONE IS A MIND READER!

3. TOUCHING: There is no right or wrong way to touch--except to experience touch for yourself. We call this developing your own style.

4. FOCUS in the here and now on such things as: temperature, texture, shape, skin sensation, and emotions.

For success in most activities, such as your work, thinking and goal orientation are necessary. This is NOT true for your sex life! Your body will function properly and gravitate toward pleasure, if you stop analyzing, and stay out of your way.

* The best way to accomplish this is by learning to take pleasure for yourself, through: SENSATE FOCUS - NON-DEMAND INTERACTION - HERE AND NOW